Chapter 10
Esther “Etty” Hillesum (15 January 1914 – 30 November 1943) was a Dutch Jewish author of confessional letters and diaries which describe both her religious awakening and the persecutions of Jewish people in Amsterdam during the German occupation.
A few quotes or passages;
26 August, Tuesday evening. There is a really deep well inside me. And in it dwells God. Sometimes I am there, too. But more often stones and grit block the well, and God is buried beneath. Then He must be dug out again. I imagine that there are people who pray with their eyes turned heavenward. They seek God outside themselves. And there are those who bow their head and bury it in their hands. I think that these seek God inside.
Ultimately, we have just one moral duty: to reclaim large areas of peace in ourselves, more and more peace, and to reflect it toward others. And the more peace there is in us, the more peace there will also be in our troubled world.
I feel as if I were the guardian of a precious slice of life, with all the responsibility that entails. There are moments when I feel like giving up or giving in, but I soon rally again and do my duty as I see it: to keep the spark of life inside me ablaze.
Each of us must turn inward and destroy in himself all that he thinks he ought to destroy in others.
This day will probably be no heavier than any other day, but my strength to bear it is not so
great. And then there is the anxiety and the burden of wondering what this summons to S. from Lippmann and Rosenthal really means. But Lord, help me not to waste a drop of my
energy on fear and anxiety, but grant me all the resilience I need to bear this day.
You have made me so rich, oh God, please let me share out your beauty with open hands. My life has become an uninterrupted dialogue with You, oh God, one great dialogue.
Things come and go in a deeper rhythm, and people must be taught to listen; it is the most important thing we have to learn in this life. I am not challenging You, oh God, my life is one
great dialogue with You. I may never become the great artist I would really like to be, but I am already secure in You, God.
Everything is a growing process. And in between, emotions and sensations that strike you like lightning. But still the most important thing is the organic process of growing.
I no longer believe that we can change anything in the world until we have first changed ourselves.
Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.
Sunday Morning Prayer – Etty Hillesum, 12.07.1942
I shall promise You one thing, God, just one very small thing. I shall never burden my today with cares about my tomorrow, although that takes some practice. Each day is sufficient unto itself. I shall try to help You, God, to stop my strength ebbing away, though I cannot vouch for it in advance.
Hillesum’s words, written written by a victim of a genocide in which numerous self-identified Christians participated, express a central aspect of what Christian spirituality ought to be: through prayer and a life of following Jesus, we might “give space” to God, to borrow a phrase from Rowan Williams. In ourselves and in the world we are creating “a habitation for God.”
Etty Hillesum died in Auschwitz on 30 November 1 943.
My life has become an uninterrupted dialogue with You, oh God, one great dialogue.
Philemon