Chapter 6
taking sacred or revered texts (like the Beatitudes) and crafting their ironic, inverted opposites for provocative effect—is often called “subversive inversion” or “ironic reversal” specifically targeting religious or moral axioms to critique hypocrisy, cultural norms, or spiritual complacency.
The Beatitudes (Matt. 5:3-10) are special fruit, are they not? A spectacular benefit to those who hunger and thirst after extra layers of truth about the way things are in the kingdom of God. Perplexing and paradoxical, they rarely fail to offer something new. What would happen, I wondered, if one were to consider their diametrical opposite? An Interesting thought.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the publicly strong and mighty in spirit, for they shall be able to enjoy making other believers feel like failures and doubt they were ever really Christians at all.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are those who have no sympathy, empathy or anything else ending with the same three letters, after all sadness is surely a sign of weakness, for they won’t need comforting, seeing as they couldn’t care less about anybody else.
Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who are up themselves, for they shall be listened to and have their ideas acted on, even when the things the meek suggested make much more sense, but no one heard what they said because the up-themselves were so loud and mouthy.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for unrighteousness, for they shall be free to do all sorts of horrible things, and if the whole God/heaven thing turns out to be a load of rubbish, it won’t really matter will it?
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are those who think forgiveness is soft and weak, for they shall be correct until the very moment when they wish they were not.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are those who nurse and feed on nasty, dismal things inside them, for they are very unlikely to want to see God anyway.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God
Blessed are those who cause war and misery all over the world, and thrice blessed are those who create conflict in places where there wasn’t any until they turned up, for they shall be able to have a laugh at everyone’s else’s expense, and be embarrassed by being called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who change sides when things get too hot for comfort, for there are limits, you know, even in the kingdom of heaven – surely?
Adrian Plass, Still Crazy 2022
Adrian Plass wields satire like a surgeon’s blade. What stings most is the recognition: these inverted beatitudes aren’t parody, in too many circles. Yet within the critique pulses hope—a reminder that the Kingdom’s radical inversion still beckons, if we dare to turn.
Wishing you a week of sacred dissonance. Walk gently into this week, but carry that disruptive grace.
Philemon