Chapter 42
BeingHuman #OnTheRoadAgain #BrutalHonesty
I truly need to share this with you. It comes from Ukraine, but it could just as easily be from pastors in Gaza, Israel, Lebanon, Syria, or Sudan. I admire the honesty of this man as he shares his grief and helplessness in his role as director of a theological faculty. I\u2019m sharing it unedited\u2026 God have mercy – Phliemon <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am ashamed to look into your eyes through Zoom, and I am unbearably ashamed when you ask, \u201cHow are you?\u201d I cannot articulate this overwhelming sense of powerlessness. A burning shame engulfs me as partners, you\u2026 expect heroic resilience while I wake in the night’s depths, gripped by panic attacks, unable even to respond to your earnest emails.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You may perceive us as unbreakable warriors of light, heroic Christians standing upon the frontlines of a spiritual battle, real \u201cPeople of the Bridge\u201d\u2026 And yet? I flinch at every air raid siren. I weep at photographs of yet another funeral\u2026 I freeze in stupor upon hearing of another brother or sister’s death\u2026 in Christ or without Christ\u2026 or an atheist who is going the Hell\u2026 being predestined by God of \u201ccalvinists\u201d before the creation of the universe\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“We’re praying for you!” many write. And I feel unworthy of these prayers. For you think you pray for a courageous warrior of faith, when in reality, your prayers fall upon a broken vessel barely holding together\u2026 Your intercessions reach one who oftentimes cannot even pray, as words lodge in the throat alongside unshed tears\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You marvel at how we are “holding up.” But I know the bitter truth \u2013 sometimes we are not holding up at all; we are merely falling more slowly than others\u2026 At times, what keeps me from utter collapse is not heroic faith, but mere human stubbornness and the deeply ingrained habit of rising each morning\u2026 to fulfil \u201cjob description\u201d for survival sake\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is unbearably shameful to confess that I sometimes envy your peaceful sky, in Europe\u2026 in the US\u2026 When you speak of your “challenges” with fundraising or team building, I must restrain myself from crying out: “What difference does it make! We are at war! My people\u2026 my family members perish daily!”\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yet what brings the deepest shame is this very shame about my personal weakness\u2026 But did not the Apostle Paul teach that God’s power is made perfect in weakness? Did not Christ Himself demonstrate that true greatness lies in acknowledging our vulnerability before the Father?\u2026 Maybe, I mis-read the Gospel\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perhaps our true strength resides not in our capacity to remain unbreakable, but in our courage to be honest? I do not know\u2026 You decide\u2026 Not in our ability to conceal pain, but in our willingness to share it with others? I do not know\u2026 You decide\u2026 Perhaps when we find the courage to say: “I am terrified. I am in unbearable pain. I know not how to continue” \u2013 it is then we most resemble Christ in Gethsemane?\u2026 I do not know\u2026 You decide\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And perhaps our very brokenness serves as the most authentic testimony to our brothers and sisters abroad? Does it reveal to you not some imagined pantheon of faith superheroes, but the true visage of the Church Militant \u2013 beaten, bloodied, yet alive? A Church that perseveres in service and love even through tears and all-consuming fear? Does it?\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So perhaps the time has come to cease being ashamed of our weakness\u2026? Time to tell our partners with complete honesty: “Yes, we are broken. Yes, we are frightened. Yes, we often feel utterly helpless. Yet we remain. Still praying when strength allows. Still serving when energy permits. And herein lies the true miracle of God’s grace”\u2026?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For in the end, perhaps what glorifies God most profoundly is not our strength\u2026 What an evangelical heresy! \u2026 but our willingness to be weak before Him and before one another? \u2026 The courage to acknowledge: “We are not heroes. We are simply people clinging to Christ amidst a devastating storm”\u2026 We\u2026 I\u2026. simply a broken evangelical\u2026 Peace be with you, and keep your children away from war\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014
Taras M. Dyatlik
Ukraine
972nd day of Russia’s full-scale war<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Chapter 42 BeingHuman #OnTheRoadAgain #BrutalHonesty I truly need to share this with you. It comes from Ukraine, but it could just as easily be from pastors in Gaza, Israel, Lebanon, Syria, or Sudan. I admire the honesty of this man as he shares his grief and helplessness in his role as director of a theological … <\/p>\n